by Wyatt Pruitt
INTRODUCTION
In 1969, California was the first state to legalize no fault divorce. In 2015 the United States Supreme Court made homosexual unions legal. In 2019, the percentage of people who identified as Lesbian, Gay, or Bisexual, aged 26-49 and had a manic depressive episode was 22.1 percent. Among veterans in the same age bracket and time period this number was lower at 9.8 percent. Among the broader population in the same year and age bracket, this percentage was 9.3. Of course correlation does not equal causation, but the question must be asked, what is the distinguishing factor that leads to such a disparity between the LGBTQ community and the wider population in regards to depression? Society has degraded quickly to the point that mankind has forgotten all that makes him who he is. First and foremost he has forgotten that he is made in the image of God, he has forgotten his individual distinctives, such as male and female, and he has forgotten his complementary nature. In order to answer the questions that plague society today Christians must recapture a biblical, and apostolic understanding of marriage in order to give people meaning.
NATURE OF MAN AND WOMAN
At the beginning of creation God made Man alone in paradise. All of mankind was summed up in one man named Adam. But God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18 Revised Standard Version). It is not good because God is not alone. Though God is one, he is three persons so God took what was one and made it two; he did not divide Adam’s essence, for they were both of the nature of mankind. But of Man came Women, one was male and one was female, both complementary to one another. The male person was made for its purpose and the female person was made for its purpose. Adam’s purpose was to rule the earth, subdue it, and take care of it and Eve was to help him in doing so. Adam was made stronger and Eve made weaker. “Likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honor on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pet. 3:7 RSV). The weaker sex is not less valuable than the other sex, she just differs in the way that she is built and thinks. Homosexuality goes against Mankind’s fundamental nature. Man in paradise was made to be in unity with each other in the bond of matrimony of husband and wife. This is reflective of the apocalyptic bond between the Church and Christ or the Bride and the Bridegroom. The homosexual relationship does not produce the benefits for society that the heterosexual relationship does (This will be covered later). The homosexual relationship is inherently selfish and not loving because it cannot produce life or give purpose to the gender distinction that God has given to Mankind. The biblical model for human interaction is always marriage. Either between Male and Female or between an individual and God. It is never homosexual. This goes against nature. “For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. Their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural” (Rom. 1:26 RSV). Man cannot be alone, he is made for union with God, homosexuality is the twisted longing for God. This is the same with all other sexual sins. Whoredom, lust, adultery, prostitution, they are all longings for the one that will give true purpose and meaning, Jesus Christ.
SINGLENESS AND THE LIFE OF CELIBACY
Before discussing matrimony, the preceding state of singleness must be discussed. In modern society, especially evangelical christianity, marriage is a huge pressure on the young and the old. This is evident in that Lancaster Bible College’s nickname is Lancaster “Bridle” College. Paul says, “It is well for a man not to touch a woman” (1Cor. 7:1 RSV). The life of singleness is the normal state of life. Paul even says, “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do” (1Cor. 7:8 RSV). It is good that Man dedicates his life to the Lord. When people marry they have to think about the wants and needs of their other half. When alone, one can focus solely on the work that the Lord has for them. One does not need to have children or be married in order to be counted as full members of the body of Christ. In fact it is good that we do not marry in order to do the work of the Lord. But no matter if one is single or married, it all must be done for the Lord.
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman or girl is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord (1Cor 7:32-35 RSV).
The life dedicated to the Lord is a fruitful one whether married or single. Singleness has historically been highly celebrated through monastic life, which has sadly diminished with the rise of radical protestantism.
Society needs to sanctify the life of singleness again. Society will not value marriage until it understands the life of singleness. Today’s society sees marriage as the state of life which will bring happiness. This is sadly not true. Only a relationship with Jesus Christ will bring fulfillment and this first must be found in singleness. Many people are called to a life of singleness and in the protestant world do not have an outlet to be accepted in it. The monastic life is the answer. The monastic is set aside by the church to be in constant prayer and service for the Church. When monastic life is valued again, the value of marriage will be realized. In the apostolic church virginity was highly valued. It was liturgically recognized at least by the third century. “A virgin is not installed by the people, nor is appointed; she herself chooses to be separated and takes the name. A hand is not laid on a virgin but her choice alone makes her a virgin.” There was a purpose for the celibate in the apostolic church. In the culture today, men and women are both pressured to be married as soon as possible, when they could enjoy the benefits of being dedicated to the Lord in monastic singleness for the rest of their lives.
WHAT IS MATRIMONY?
Marriage is the mysterious union of a man and a woman into one flesh. “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24 RSV). This “mystery” is sacramental. In the same way that the body and blood of Christ is made present in communion, and in the same way the word in the waters of baptism wash away sin, the word of God unites two people spiritually into one flesh. This is reflective of God’s trinitarian nature. God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In a Christian marriage there is always Husband, Wife, and Jesus (the Word) united as one.
In the English world, our modern marital rite is derived from the 1662 Book of Common Prayer. In which the purpose of God’s institution of marriage is defined as consisting of three parts which shall be covered hereafter.
The first part is that marriage was instituted for the begetting of children. “First, it was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy name.” When God made Adam and Eve, he ordered them that they should be “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28 RSV). God made Adam and Eve to be in a monogamous relationship to raise up children in the faith. Later when instituting circumcision God said to Abraham:
As for you, you shall keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you throughout their generations. This is my covenant, which you shall keep, between me and you and your descendants after you: Every male among you shall be circumcised. You shall be circumcised in the flesh of your foreskins, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and you (Gen 17:9-10 RSV).
This is because God instituted that in his covenants, God wants the children to be raised inside of the covenant family. The children are not outside of the covenant. God’s grace is always expanding. In the New Covenant, Peter says to the new followers, “…Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is to you and to your children and to all that are far off, every one whom the Lord our God calls to him” (Acts 2:38-39 RSV). God still wants children to be raised in the promises or covenant in which we now have. He has chosen the family unit to be the safe haven for the raising up of Christian children.
The second reason for marriage is to fight against sin. “Secondly it was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continence might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body.” God sees all sins as deserving death and equal, but in dealing with human to human relations some sins cause more harm than others. Some of the greatest of these are related to sexual immorality. Lust, Adultery, Whoredom, Prostitution, and Homosexuality, cause great harm to human society. Marriage helps to mitigate the physical sins committed by men and women. “But because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1Cor. 7:3 RSV). It is better that a man never looks at a woman than to commit adultery in his heart. “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell” (Matt. 5:29 RSV). That is why he should marry, if he cannot control himself.
The third purpose for marriage is for husband and wife to enjoy each other and be a benefit to society. “Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help and comfort, that the one ought to have the other, both in prosperity and adversity.” The husband and wife are to enjoy marriage, not just in the intimate conjugal act but also to enjoy each others company in both the good and the bad times. They are also to be a benefit to society. In marriage both parties should be able to do more for society than when they were alone. “Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” (Matt. 18:19 RSV). The two together are to pray for the church, society, and their children.
The family is the most basic unit of society. God has designed for all people to be the benefactor of the institution of marriage, whether a person is single, male, female, president, king, judge, or servant, everybody has a mother and father. When this basic unit breaks down the rest of society crumbles. This is why the fifth commandment is so important. The first table of commandments has to do with loving God. The second table has to do with loving man. The fifth commandment, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you” (Exod. 20:12 RSV) is situated as a transition between the two. Honoring and obeying your authorities is honoring Jesus Christ. So God has made our earthly father a representative of himself. The Lord has said that if society honors the institution of marriage then a peoples heritage and land will be sustained. All other human institutions of government stem from the authority of the family structure. This is why the fifth commandment covers not only honoring parents, but also all authorities in society.
ROLES OF HUSBAND AND WIFE
The role of men and women in the state of matrimony are rulership and submission. These two words have a large negative connotation in today’s society. Society in even the most conservative spheres is egalitarian in nature. The presumed model of humanity is that man is completely equal in every way. This is not true. Mankind has two expressions: male and female. The male has the role of rulership, and the woman’s submission. “Likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honor on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered” (1Pet. 3:7 RSV). Women are inherently different from men. God made women to be the helper of men. Men are incomplete without women. But women also think, act, and speak differently than men. In the Garden it was the woman who sinned first not man, but man was the one who had to take responsibility for the woman’s actions. This is because they were in a marriage relationship. Adam is responsible for both his wife and his children’s actions. If they sin, then he has sinned. This does not mean that the Man has somehow had his wife or childrens’ sins imputed to his account, but that as head of household he is obligated to answer for them as an advocate and mediator.
SUBMISSION
“Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over men; she is to keep silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet woman will be saved through bearing children, if she continues in faith and love and holiness, with modesty” (1Tim. 2:11-15 RSV). Obviously, this text is not talking about single women, because single women cannot have children. The text is talking about the role of women in marriage. First Paul appeals to the pre-fallen state that Adam was made first and then Eve. This shows that even in man’s naive state marriage had a patriarchal hierarchy. Then he appeals to the women sinning first. This shows the strategy of the serpent. He knew Adam was to protect the garden, so he went after the “weaker vessel.” This is not to say that women are weak. The scriptures describe women as strong. “She girds her loins with strength and makes her arms strong” (Prov. 31:17 RSV). But it is to say that in some way, the nature of women is under her husband and is tempted to subvert that authority. This is why the punishment for women is “I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Gen. 2:16 RSV) The punishment is the pain in childbearing, yet she may find protection in her husband, which is why she yearns for him.
So the role of the husband is to rule over the wife and the wife to submit to her husband. This is all in love.
Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church; however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Eph. 5:21-33 RSV).
The first part of this text says that both husband and wife should be in submission to each other. Husband and Wife are both slaves to each other. “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does” (1Cor 7:3-4 RSV). Both parties own each other’s bodies. They should not deprive each other of intimacy.
First, it means that the wife has no power over her own body but she is her husband’s slave- and also his ruler. If you refuse to serve your husband properly you offend God. So, wife, if you want to abstain even for a little while, get your husband’s permission first. That is why St Paul speaks of conjugal rights as a debt; to show that neither husband nor wife is his or her own master, but rather are each other’s servants.
For the first part of Ephesians 5:21 there is a sort of equality in value. There comes a difference in role and authority. Wives are to be in subjection to their husbands. He has complete authority over her in what they do. There is a caveat to this. He only has complete authority in as much as he is in subjection to the Church and Jesus Christ. He cannot force her to sin. He also cannot sin against his wife. This is why Peter says, “Likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honor on the woman as the weaker sex…” (1 Pet 3:7a RSV). With great authority comes great responsibility. A husband would never ask his wife to do anything she wouldn’t want to do unless it was absolutely necessary. All things the husband asks must be asked in love and not in personal pursuit of gain and pleasure. Even in the conjugal act it is possible for the husband to lust by seeing his wife only as a sex object and not as a person created in the image of God. Modern men need to hear this message from St John Chrysostom,
You have heard how important obedience is; you have praised and marveled at Paul, how he welds our whole life together, as we would expect from such an admirable and spiritual man. You have done well. But now listen to what else he requires from you; he has not finished with his example. “Husbands,” he says, “love your wives, as Christ loved the Church.” You have seen the amount of obedience necessary; now hear about the amount of love necessary. Do you want your wife to be obedient to you, as the Church is to Christ? Then be responsible for the same providential care of her, as Christ is for the Church. And even if it becomes necessary for you to give your life for her, yes, and even to endure and undergo suffering of any kind, do not refuse.
A man can require nothing of his wife if he does not first, “deny himself and take up his cross and follow [Jesus]” (Matt 16:24b RSV). It is required that since man came first, that he love first, obey Christ first, and set an example for his family first before all other things. A woman will not always keep her beauty, she will not always be in the right mood, or perfect. Husbands must keep a Christ-like outlook when dealing with their wives and be merciful. “For if she be poor, upbraid her not; if she be simple, taunt her not, but be the more courteous for she is thy body, and made one flesh with thee.”
It is also the husband’s responsibility to see to the sanctification of his family. Marriage is not only a contract between two people. It also has a sacramental nature. Baptism is the washing of water with the Word for the forgiveness of sins. Baptism really and truly does forgive sins and make us clean if we receive it in faith. It is the same in a Christian marriage. The husband’s duty is to strengthen the faith of his family by raising them in the church and being a loving example. This is why Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies” (Eph. 5:25-28 RSV). The husband must make his family holy just as Christ has made the Church holy through Baptism. The husband has the highest authority in the family but he also has the most responsibility and condemnation if he fails. “Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, for you know that we who teach shall be judged with greater strictness” (Jas. 3:1 RSV). A husband must have a spiritual director. If he is not confessing his sins to his pastor then he is not in submission to the church.
DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE
Divorce is not instituted by God. It is only a provision for sin. “He said to them, “For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” (Matt. 19:8 RSV) At times, husbands have abused the authority of Marriage, or wives have not been faithful in marriage. In these instances God has made provision so that men and women can protect themselves from life-long abuse. This provision should be used very sparingly. Divorce does not only greatly affect the lives of the husband and wife, but it also affects the lives of the children, friends, and family around them. “For I hate divorce, says the Lord the God of Israel, and covering one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless” (Mal. 2:16 RSV). “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matt. 19:9 RSV). A common rebuttal to Jesus’ saying is the husband that beats his wife. Jesus is not banning divorce in this instance, but what he is banning is the remarriage of these people after the divorce. If at all possible the two parties are to try and reach reconciliation for the rest of their lives. If one commits the sin of remarriage after divorce, then that frees the other party to remarry. The traditional marriage vows say this of men: “I N. take thee N. to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto plight thee my troth.” And for women the vows are: “I N. take thee. N to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God’s Holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.” These vows are extreme. They are based in the scriptures and they show that the only way out is death. Abuse of a wife or husband does not give the freedom to marry another, but the obligation of the offended party is to reach reconciliation or for both to maintain celibate unless the abuser remarries unlawfully.
CONCLUSION
Society is depressed and lonely. It has forgotten what the building block of society is and because of that it is deteriorating. Because they have forgotten God and Matrimony they have forgotten how to be single, and to find meaning in life. Matrimony is a mystery in which God bestows upon select people the blessing and responsibility of becoming one flesh with another person made in the image of God. This beautiful relationship is the foundation of society. It produces children, helps to fight against sin, and was ordained for the pleasure of the couple and benefit of society. With all of these benefits come great responsibility for both husband and wife and it should not be taken on lightly. For divorce is a grave sin, and is of only last resort. Biblical and Apostolic marriage is loving, hard, and beautiful.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
AJ Willingham. “What is No-Fault Divorce, and why do some Conservatives Want to Get Rid of It?,” CNN, https://www.cnn.com/2023/11/27/us/no-fault-divorce-explained-history-wellness-cec/index.html.
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